TEXTO PORFIRIA Wiccan Faction Caterer (On The Left)
ZUZUX UZBOCHS Alchemist Faction Caterer (On The Right)


The story of Zuzux and Texto began with a chance meeting during a burglary. Zuzux Uzbochs, recently recruited because of his remarkable abilities by a militant wing of the Alchemist Faction had been given the task of 'recovering' certain incriminating documents from the archives of the Gryrnu Governmental Council, which could cause embarrassment for the entire Alchemist Faction. Whilst searching the stacks of papers in the Council Chambers, Zuzux backed literally into the young and brilliant Witch Texto Porfiria, who had also been given a mission, namely the recovery of certain documents that could embarrass the Wiccan Faction. By sheer coincidence, both had ended up doing the same sort of dirty-work, at the same time, in the same place, for the same reasons, albeit on opposite sides. The joke, and the lesson it contained, were not lost on the two skillful and quick-witted youths, and from that night forward, Zuzux and Texto became inseparable.

Both of these ethically challenged, but exceedingly gifted men compared experiences, and came to the conclusion that both the Wiccans and the Alchemists were lacking in any real claim to dominance or superiority, so the two decided to work as a team offering their considerable talents to the highest bidder. As a cover for their activities, and to gain reason for entrance to any situation or function, the two cleverly decided to become caterers. Having a special appreciation for cuisine gave them an edge in the marketplace, and the names Zuzux and Texto soon became synonymous with food offered at any worthy, upscale, or governmental function on Gryrnu. Texto would often joke to Zuzux that they could quit doing covert work, as more money could be made simply being the best caterers in the world....but the joy of doing dastardly deeds was too great for either of them, the excitement of their double lives too much to quit. Together, they like to call themselves the 'Caterers of Calumny', and they are decidedly both nasty pieces of work.

Both men are anything but nice. Though very handsome, even beautiful (in the case of Texto), they are rather evil. Texto enjoys causing pain and disfigurement, and enjoys mutilating living animals and people as a hobby. Zuzux prefers destroying the lives of people he gains information on, and takes great pleasure in such matters in his spare time. Both men are primarily homosexual, but grimly, they treat their sexuality like everything else in their lives...violently. While they do live together, they are not 'interested' in each other because they actually rather like each other as people....and the sort of things they do sexually they would never apply to anyone (or anything) they respected....or expected to see alive again.

After a very near brush with catastrophe on one particularly sensitive mission, Zuzux and Texto were saved by a mysterious individual who called himself Wai-Wai. Though claiming to be a toymaker, Wai-Wai was clearly something more, and also apparently had some unknown influence over the terrible two. Whatever Wai-Wai has on the duplicitous caterers, it must be enormous, because now they show absolute deference to the man, and do his bidding exclusively. Once, a foolish man described them as Wai-Wai's 'pets'. Once.


Sex: Male
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Occupation: Alchemist Faction Caterer / Amoral Covert Agent
Alignment: Lawful Evil (Zuzux will always keep an agreement as a point of personal honor, but prefers doing things that ultimately cause trouble or involve harm)

Height 6' 1", Weight 238 lbs. Red-brown eyes, Bald except for a raven-black traditional Alchemists ponytail. Medium brown skin.

STR STRENGTH          14      (+2)
DEX DEXTERITY         13     (+1)
CON CONSTITUTION   13      (+1)
INT INTELLIGENCE      17    (+3)
WIS WISDOM           14     (+2)
CHA CHARISMA          15     (+2) fairly handsome.

FORTITUDE         2
REFLEX                 2
WILL                     4

AC  18
SPEED 30' (6)

KINSEY         5.1 (Mostly homosexual, although not interested in Texto.)
RELIGION      Atheist

Hiding In Shadow
Hiding In Objects
Advanced Skulking
Crippling Blow
Skilled Chef
Snack Foods and Treats
Advanced Gourmet


Advanced Disinformation 5
Hand To Hand Combat 2
Knowledge of Locks 3
Knowledge of Machines and Devices 3
Alchemist Lore 1
Thieving 2
Food Preperation 4
Food Presentation 5
Flavor Enhancement 3

Magickal Abilities:

None. Does not believe in such things.


Mechanical Ratchet Katar (2D6+1) Very nasty little mechanical punch-dagger twists as it cuts as it kills. Value: 2600 Til.


Alchemist's Glasses
Alchemist's Ponytail Clamp
Alchemist's Uniform
Metal Reinforced Boots (+3 to kick damage)


Talcryllic Script
Some Alpabe Runes


26320 Til in assorted accounts and locations.


Sex: Male
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Occupation: Witch Faction Caterer / Amoral Covert Agent
Alignment: Lawful Evil (Texto too will always keep an agreement as a point of personal honor, but prefers doing things that ultimately cause great suffering and unhappiness. Sadistic.)

Height 6' 2", Weight 218 lbs. Grey eyes, Long Grey-White hair. Very Pale skin.

STR STRENGTH          12      (+1)
DEX DEXTERITY         18     (+4)
CON CONSTITUTION   9      (-1)
INT INTELLIGENCE      18    (+4)
WIS WISDOM           10     (+0)
CHA CHARISMA          18     (+4) Very beautiful, very bishonen.

FORTITUDE         1
REFLEX                 4
WILL                     4

AC  18
SPEED 30' (6)

KINSEY         5.6 (entirely homosexual, although not interested in Zuzux.)
RELIGION      Angry At Everything


Hiding In Shadows
Basic Skulking
Disfiguring Blow
Butchering Of Animals
Platter Arrangement


Torture and Maiming 5
Vivisection 2
Knowledge of Locks 1
Social Manipulation 3
Witch Lore 3
Thieving 5
Meat Preperation 5
Advanced Chef 4
Beverage Creation 3
Poisoning 2

Magickal Abilities:

Weak Probability Control


Custom Small Hand Scythe (1D8+6) -1 to opponent charisma due to specialized disfiguring blade notches with every hit. Value: 800 Til.


Full Archaic Traditional Witch Faction Garb
Full Archaic Traditional Witch Faction Trilobe Hat
Multi-Pocket belt
Pig Leather Boots
Defaced Tryslmaistan Wiccan Trinary Pentacle


Talcryllic Script
Alpabe Runes


16333 Til in assorted accounts and locations.



This is my HyperDice. ( 1DAleph0 )



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